In any life experience, it helps to have the company of people who have been through the same things and can empathize with you. Adoption is such a unique experience that people on the “outside” truly cannot relate to. If you have adopted, odds are you might be the only person you know who has. Adoption support groups, whether online or in person, are a tremendous source of help and companionship to those navigating the adoption process, as well as to adoptive parents post-placement.
The internet has made it possible that with just a few keystrokes, you can connect with people all over the world who share your interests. Many adoptive support groups exist online, particularly on Facebook. Some are general, some are country or agency-specific. However you are choosing to adopt, odds are a quick search in the Facebook toolbar will reveal at least one adoption support group relevant to your unique situation. From international adoption to foster-adopt, to concerns facing LGBT adoptive parents, there’s undoubtedly a group of people who have shared similar experiences and can commiserate with you when the chips are down, and celebrate with you when there are things worth celebrating.
Adoption support groups have been a tremendous help to me both as a pre-adoptive parent and now as a transracial adoptive parent. Early in our process, general domestic adoption groups on Facebook were great sounding boards for me in regards to choosing an agency, choosing who would complete our home study, and other preliminary decisions. Once we had signed with our agency of choice and begun paperwork, I discovered no Facebook group existed solely for people who had adopted through the agency we chose to use, so I created one. Nearly three years later, the group is going strong with nearly 400 members, and we have seen hundreds of people successfully complete one or even two adoptions in that time. I am also a member of another adoption support groups geared towards those who have adopted transracially and are navigating the unique experience of parenting a child of a different race.
There are experiences unique to adopting: the anxiety of completing a home study, the heartbreak of a disrupted adoption, the balancing act of communicating with birth family, that those outside the adoption world simply can’t relate to. I am fortunate to have many “mom friends”, who are always helpful in dealing with parenting related questions or just commiserating about how hectic our lives are over a glass of wine. My adoptive mom friends though, they are my tribe. When I made the Facebook group for our agency, I eventually realized I would need help in running it. Four other wonderful women stepped forward and volunteered to admin it with me, and for almost three years now we have had a running Facebook chat where we discuss everything from topics related to the group to how we all occasionally want to strangle our husbands, and everything in between. Some of us have dealt with very difficult situations that only another adoptive parent could relate to. They get it. I know I don’t have to explain anything, I know they understand the language of adoption, and I know they understand the unique joy and challenge of being a parent via adoption.
In person support groups exist also. Many agencies and social services offices have support groups for pre-adoptive and adoptive parents, and often there is an in-person meeting component to groups that also exist online. If you are not technologically inclined, you still probably have a support group near you. Even if its just one or two other families you know who have adopted getting together occasionally, being around other people who have adopted and being able to talk openly about the experience with others who have been through it is invaluable. For children also, having other friends who are adopted can be tremendously good for their self-esteem. Even if it’s just one couple at your church, or one family with a child in your child’s class at school, finding a way to get together to support each other, and let your kids form relationships with other adopted children is invaluable. You might have to do a bit of searching, or, if you’re as bold (aka Type A and neurotic) as I was, you can create your own group and recruit other adoptive parents to join. However you go about finding the support of other adoptive families, it will undoubtedly be worth your while.
